So your spouse doesn’t want to have sex with you… what do you do? Well you turn to swinging of course. After all, swingers will have sex with anyone right? Wrong! If your own spouse won’t have sex with you, what makes you think that we want to? And worse yet, if you are lying to your partner at home and going out behind her back, why would a couple who swingers, an action so founded in communication and trust want to allow you into their lives?
On the Swingers Board, over the years, we have seen so many of these married cheaters who turn to swinging to fulfill their sexual needs that we have given them a name – Mingles – they want to play as singles but they are really married and cheating. We’ve had enough of this breed. Swinging gets a bad enough wrap already, why would we want to allow these Mingles to come in and give us an even worse name? Why would we want to allow others outside the lifestyle to look at these people and think they are swingers and believe that their actions and attitudes are examples of what the swinging lifestyle is all about?
Two fundamental differences between swinging and cheating:
- Honesty: In swinging both partners know what’s going on. There is no lying, or sneaking around behind the partners back. Cheaters don’t get this. Cheaters are liars, they lie to their partner, and then they turn to swingers in hopes that we will understand? We (swingers) work hard to make our relationships work. Why would we try to help someone else wreck their relationship when we work so hard to make ours strong? Swinging doesn’t work without honesty, and cheating is the opposite of honesty.
- Communication: In order to have the strong relationship required for a successful relationship, a couple must communicate. If a person is lying to their partner then they are definitely not communicating properly. Swingers work to become experts at communication. If a would-be cheater comes to a swinging couple looking for help, the help they are likely to get is a lesson in how to communicate. Swinging is about communication, openly talking about your fantasies, and sharing those fantasies with your partner. Communication is lacking in relationships where cheating occurs.
If you are a married swinging couple, think about these things before you invite a Mingle to join you. How would you feel if you were this person’s spouse? Do you know for a fact that the sob story he has given you, making his spouse sound so awful, is true? Every story has three sides, and you only have his. Do you really want to take the chance that you are making what is evidently an already bad marriage worse? Do you really want to risk being invited to be a witness at a divorce hearing?
So why do so many of these Mingles turn to swinging as their avenue of choice to satisfy their sexual urges?
- Misconceptions that already exist about swinging; the idea that swingers will have sex with anyone, that we don’t care who or where or when.
- The fact that we do have sex with partners other than our spouse so why should we have a problem with someone else doing the same?
Often, couples considering the lifestyle have the same misconceptions about swinging that bring married cheaters to swinging. The difference may just be that while the couples actually research and learn what swinging is all about, the married cheaters just go on their assumptions until they figuratively (and sometimes literally) get kicked in the balls and realize they were wrong.