As the hostess of one of the largest online swingers’ communities, http://www.swingersboard.com, I answer swinging questions daily. The answer to many of these questions can be summed up in one word: Communication.
The Importance of Communication for Swingers
Even for non-swingers, communication is THE MOST important thing in a relationship. But, when swinging is involved, if communication is lacking it can mean the death of the relationship. For that reason, it is important to make sure that you and your spouse have solid communication about everything before even considering the lifestyle. There should be no secrets between you, no questions about why you want to swing. It is important to make sure that your partner knows that she or he is the most important person in your life and that swinging is an option to enhance your relationship, not something you want because there is a lack of something in your relationship. Make sure that you are taking the time to listen to your partner as well, don’t just hear what they have to say, but really listen and take it to heart.
Communication is necessary to help you set up boundaries and rules as you enter the lifestyle. Make sure that your boundaries are set so that you are both comfortable with everything that you are allowing to happen. It is important to communicate your rules and boundaries to those that you intend to swing with.
It is important to continue communicating throughout a swinging encounter. If at any time one of you is not comfortable that should be expressed to the other in an obvious way, whether verbally or non-verbally. You may wish to set up certain signals or code-words ahead of time that you can use to let your partner know how you feel without telling everyone around you. This is important because keeping your feelings and thoughts in can often lead to a bad situation where one or the other of you may have feelings of resentment later. It is better to stop a problem before it becomes a problem.
Remember that your relationship with your partner is the priority. If there ever comes a time when one of you feels that something else has taken priority over your own relationship, you should stop swinging until that question has been resolved.
While communication is the most important concept to have established before even considering swinging as an option, once you and your partner decide that swinging is an option for you, there will be many other questions you will want answered. The Swinger Manual will help you look at the various facets of swinging, as well as to answer the questions you already have as well as many you may not have considered.