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Are you interested in the swinging lifestyle? Trying to figure out how to get started with swinging? Unsure what swinging really is?
The Swinger Manual is the book you need.
With chapters answering basic questions like "What is Swinging?" "Who Swings?"
and "Should You Swing?" You can determine whether or not your relationship has
what it takes to add swinging to it.
The Swinger Manual is written by JustAskJulie the hostess and
owner of the website The SwingersBoard,
which is the oldest swinger community still running online. The forums and
community there have been providing free swinger info and advice for over 15
years.
In "What is Swinging" Julie explains that there are many types
of swinging, everything from threesomes with close friends to group sex with
strangers. The common view of swingers as key parties and drunken orgies is no
longer the norm, just as often swinging involves something many call Polyamory
or something very close to it. In these situations the couples allow for
emotions to develop and/or choose to only swing within very committed closed
groups. There are many terms that describe what swingers do and just as many
types of swinging. Swinging itself is just a large umbrella term that
encapsulates these many ideas.
"If
you ask a group of swingers what swinging is, you will find that every
single person or couple in that group will give you a different answer.
Some of the answers will be similar, others will be completely
different. Each person or couple defines swinging based on what they
are looking for and what they are comfortable with. I have not written
this book to define what swinging is or is not, that is for you to do
for yourself. The fact that you are reading this means that you have
most likely already developed your own distinct definition of what
swinging means to you." -
The Swinger Manual |
 In "Who Swings", Julie explains that swingers come from all
walks of life and all body types. While there are many myths regarding who
swingers are or how to identify them, the truth is that anyone you know could be
a swinger, your neighbor, your co-worker, your friend. They just choose to be
discreet. There are even Christian swingers who have found how to merge their
religion with their choice to swing. More importantly, she shares that
swinging is not for everyone. She also answers questions like is swinging
cheating and what does it really mean to be open-minded? From there she
works to help you answer the question of "Should You Swing?" and whether or not
your relationship has what it takes to flourish with the addition of swinging,
rather than to have swinging negatively affect your relationship.
Once you have established if you should swing, the next step is
to determine "What do you want out of Swinging?" What are the shared fantasies
you hope to make a reality? Are your reasons for swinging reasons that will help
or hinder your relationships ability to grow? Are you looking to fulfill
fantasies or for better sex? Or are you bored with your current relationship and
wanting to replace something that is missing? She will also help you examine the
unexpected benefits and negatives of swinging so that you can watch out for the
pitfalls. Once you've determined whether or not swinging
is right for you, the next step is to talk about swinging with your partner. In
"Discussing Swinging with Your Partner", JustAskJulie helps you with suggestions
on how to bring up the topic of swinging to your partner. She addresses the need
for a strong, open, honest communication as a couple before swinging can be
discussed and provides suggestions for how you can improve your communication as
a couple before considering swinging. She will guide you through addressing
concerns and questions with each other as you discuss your swinging, including
whether or not jealousy has a place in swinging, the potential risks of STDs,
and dealing with religious guilt over swinging. She also walks you through
understanding that swinging will change your relationship with each other, but
it will also change you and how you look at life.
" The key to dealing with jealousy is being secure in who you
are and in your relationship." -
The Swinger Manual |
In "What do You Want out of Swinging?" Julie explains the difference between soft-swinging and full-swap,
explains same room vs separate room swapping and then walks you through the various types of swinging you may want to enjoy including the different types of threesomes,
group sex, orgies, & gangbangs. She addresses committed swinging relationships
and polyamory and the various issues you may need to watch out for. She walks
you through "Establishing Boundaries", both as a couple and with those you
choose to swing with. She guides you through setting rules to help prevent drama
while swinging, the importance of swinging at the pace of the slowest person
within the couple, communicating your rules to others, and how to keep things
fair while swinging. Communication is key while swinging as you may need to
communicate discomfort while swinging or deal with situations where boundaries
get crossed. The most important thing is to
always have your partner's back and
put your relationship first.
" Keep in mind that just as you have the option to set your
own boundaries, other couples have the option to not play with you because your
boundaries are too restrictive for them." -
The Swinger Manual |
There are many "Risks of Swinging" that you should be aware of
including the increased risk of STDs when having non-monogamous sex, as well as
the risk of pregnancy and other potential safety risks. One of the
greatest risks that many worry about is the risk of being outted to their
friends and families and how those people may react, as well as why most
swingers choose to hide their lifestyle choice. Discretion is key when swinging.
Once you understand what swinging entails then it's time to really Get
Started...
The section on "Getting Started Swinging" guides you through Choosing Swinger
Playmates, Finding People to Swing With, & the Challenges of Finding a Single Bi
Female. She addresses the pros and cons of choosing another new couple versus
and experienced couple when planning your first swinging encounter, as well as
the choice of becoming friends first versus having sex with strangers. When it
comes time to find potential playmates she addresses the choices of swinging
with existing (non-swinger) friends vs finding new people, using online
swinger ad sites. When it comes to finding people online she guides you
through selecting the best profile site for you, writing your personal ad,
choosing pictures to represent yourself, and advice on staying safe online and
protecting your identity. You'll also have to learn how to both deal
with receiving and giving rejection.
" Once you’ve figured out the few websites you plan to stick
to you need to put some serious effort into writing a good profile. Keep in mind
that posting a personal ad for yourself is the same as marketing any product.
You are the product and you want to present yourself in the best light possible." -
The Swinger Manual |
Once you start your search the next step is setting up that First Meet and
determining if there is interest. Once you've established Interest she will
provide advice on getting the action started as well as the potential issues
that could come up during the action, including how to handle performance
issues, as well as stopping the action once it has started. She will discuss the
various places you might play and pros and cons of each, including playing at
home, visiting swinger clubs, socials, or conventions, sharing a hotel room. She
reminds you that swinging is a participation "sport" and swinger clubs are not a
place to just go solely to watch others. She will also provide advice on dealing
with and giving rejection when in public situations. In this section she also
provides some specific advice for singles visiting swinger clubs alone.
Next she addresses "The Etiquette of Swinging", reminding you of the
importance of discretion and protecting other's identities as well as your own.
She makes suggestions regarding how to know when you are Getting Too Personal
with others. She provides the etiquette of touching others and the importance of
permission. She guides you through choosing What to Wear when visiting a swinger
club. She reminds you that while drinking is common-place when swinging, it is
important to watch just how much you drink and avoid drinking too much. She
walks you through how to handle one of new swingers greatest fears, the idea of
encountering someone you know at a swinger club.
When it's all said and done, many swingers do eventually choose to stop
swinging for a variety of reasons. Many may choose to take a break during the
course of swinging and return at a later date. She guides you through knowing
when it's time to call it quits or take a break.
In addition to her own advice, throughout the book there are quotes and
advice from other swingers, provided over the last 15 years in the forums at
SwingersBoard.com
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